Vanishing on 7th Street

When nearly all the population of Detroit vanishes without a trace four terrified strangers find themselves taking refuge in a deserted bar.  Frantically working to maintain any available source of light as an eerie unnatural darkness creeps forth the group searches for answers while fending off the shadowy figures creeping in the blackness. 

From the description I read on Netflix it sounded like this movie could have some potential to be interesting.  This was by no means an original concept and has worked well in other movies however it did not work at all here.  This was an hour and thirty minutes of time I can never get back.

The script is an absolute mess and has so many plot holes that could have been filled with a much better movie had one existed.  By the end of the movie it’s still a mystery what caused the mass disappearance as some vague suggestions are thrown around but nothing which would have made this movie thought provoking or entertaining.  Now I don’t need everything spelt out for me and I do like movies that leave something for the viewer to contemplate but this movie simply stunk in its delivery and conclusion.  After finishing the movie I read an interview with the director who in not so many words put it out there that even he didn’t have any idea what the plot meant.  Further searching led to viewer discussions that ranged from religious tones to unknown phenomenon.  My personal interpretation of this movie is that it was a steaming pile of garbage.

On top of this the script served up four characters that are completely uninteresting and so stupid they didn’t deserve to survive long enough to reach the bar.  When they are finally together they form a group I like to refer to as the brain trust.  The group generates a collective level of stupid that can’t be measured by any means known to man.  The acting or lack thereof was nothing to make any special mention of.  Mainly consisting of emotions such as fear and confusion all that came across a complete sense of bafflement which I am not sure was intentional. 

By the conclusion of the movie there were more questions than answers and these weren’t questions related to the story, these questions dealt more with the plot holes and stupidity that riddled the movie.  This is a movie that can be skipped without so much as a second thought.

Rating: 1 Reel

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night

Director: Kevin Munroe
Writers: Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer
Stars: Brandon Routh, Sam Huntington, Anita Briem

Having at one time specialized in the affairs of the undead, retired private investigator Dylan Dog is reluctantly pulled back into service when a client named Elizabeth hires him to look into the murder of her father at the hands of a werewolf.  Following what few leads he has Dylan is soon pursuing an ancient relic that could start a war on the streets of Louisiana between the rival vampire, werewolf and zombie clans that inhabit the cities underbelly.  Dealing with uncooperative allies from his past and no specific leads to follow Dylan accompanied by his assistant Marcus must search the bowels of the city for an unknown foe while trying to prevent an impending war.

Having read that this movie was based on a series of Italian comic books which I have never read I’m not sure how well the story and characters transitioned to film.  It looked like an entertaining movie when I saw the first trailer but still one of those movies which can wait for DVD.  There wasn’t much theater time which indicated I was probably right in my assumption to wait for video and after receiving it from Netflix I was right.  Although it does have its share of flaws I don’t think the movie deserved every single bad review it received.

Beginning with the script it was a bit of a mess.  Instead of focusing on the main plot it kept dropping hints of another story that was apparently a big part of Dylan’s past and the reason he retired from working with the undead.  Using two redundant flashbacks and an extremely bare bones explanation from the villain nothing more is told.  It was easy enough to draw an assumption but all that succeeded in doing was making Dead of Night feel as though it should have been a sequel to this barely touched upon story.  But as this movie ended up failing that will never happen, not a huge loss either way.  Another point of fail is the dialogue which when not intentionally goofy took away from the intended impact some scenes were apparently meant to have as well as making certain characters seem bland and unimpressive.

As for the acting, Brandon Routh and Sam Huntington were the ones who dragged this film as far as it could go.  Routh who makes his second attempt at playing a comic book character - Dylan Dog, offers a performance that is slightly brooding while somewhat comical and adds a little bit of tough guy attitude without taking it to serious.  Sam Huntington plays the role of Marcus the bumbling sidekick who adds the comic relief with some over acting and a lot of yelling which at times became unfunny and annoying.  Some comedy has a limited life span and should be allowed to die with dignity.  Taking on the role of Vargas the leader of the vampire clan is Taye Diggs.  Lacking that menacing personality any good villain should have it made for a boring and unconvincing performance.  This can’t all be blamed on Diggs as the dialogue did help in crushing the potential for this role as with all the others.  And finally playing Elizabeth the client is Anita Briem.  There really isn’t anything noteworthy of this performance as Briem really didn’t seem to do more than take up space in each shot she was in.  Her character was supposed to be a key part in the movie and ended up being lackluster and void of any qualities to indicate otherwise.

This whole concept probably would have worked a lot better had it been a made for cable movie.  That way both stories could have been made and not just hint at a potential prequel and leave the viewer guessing the back story.  If this is something you feel you need to see cable is a good option. 

Rating: 1 1/2 Reels

The Ward

Director: John Carpenter
Writers: Michael Rasmussen, Shawn Rasmussen
Stars: Amber Heard, Mamie Gummer, Jared Harris

After being arrested for burning down a farmhouse for reasons unknown a troubled girl named Kristen is placed into a ward at North Bend psychiatric hospital.  Possessing no memories of her life prior to setting the fire Kristen begins treatment under the supervision of Dr. Stringer, the physician responsible for treating the other handful of girls residing in the ward.  Soon after her arrival Kristen begins to sense something isn’t right as she encounters what appears to be the ghost of another young girl.  Seeking answers from Doctor Stringer as well as the other girls Kristen is convinced her life is in danger and knows she must escape before it’s too late.

This is one of those straight to DVD movies I stumbled upon within the Netflix new release selections.  When I saw that it was directed by John Carpenter I had hoped that this movie would have some of the old JC magic seen in many of his earlier films such as The Thing, Escape from New York, Prince of Darkness, etc.  Unfortunately this wasn’t the case this movie was a bore.  The only noticeable JC trademarks are the occasional theme music which is very brief and can barely be heard along with some lighting techniques that didn’t seem to succeed in accomplishing any set tasks.  Unfortunately it feels like John Carpenter’s better days are far behind him.  In JC’s defense (not that he needs me to defend him) I will say it’s nearly impossible to create something when you have nothing to work with. 

So with that said I patiently waited two hours for anything that would provide a quick scare, a moment of shock, suspense or even some off kilter humor  but it quickly became apparent that this was not to be found.  Failing greatly to deliver anything that would resemble a horror movie is lost in the generic pages of this meek and timid script.  

The cast all seemed to fall into the generic model of actors who dial in their performances.  There wasn’t a believable emotion that made me feel like something horrible or chilling was about to happen.  Watching the actors go through the motions was almost as boring as sitting through the beginning credits while I was finishing up another task before the movie started.

I can’t even recommend watching this movie if it ever made it onto late night television.  Undoubtedly there would have to be something better to watch than two hours of this dribble.

Rating: 1 Reel

Conan the Barbarian

Director: Marcus Nispel
Writers: Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer, Sean Hood
Stars: Jason Momoa, Stephen Lang, Rachel Nichols  

Searching for the man responsible for the death of his father and the slaughter of his people, Conan travels the lands of Hyboria on a quest for vengeance.  What he finds not only pits him against a hated adversary but a man who plots to unleash an evil supernatural force that could destroy the human race.

Since I was a kid I have been a fan of Conan having read countless Robert E. Howard stories, seen the movies with Arnold Schwarzenegger and even read a few comics.  When I heard there was a new movie in the works I was curious to see what direction this movie was going to take.  Was there going to be a new take on the character and was the story going to be expanded upon or taken in a whole new direction?  Well when the trailers came out I was admittedly a little hesitant due to what I saw but I remained determined to give this film the benefit of the doubt.   

As I walked out of a nearly empty theater I found myself disappointed knowing the movie had the potential to be so much better.  Keep in mind the movie wasn’t horrible but the script could have used a major reworking to create a hard R rated film that was grim, darker and a lot more chaotic.  Instead what was released was more of a bare bones action film that lacked a hard edge suitable for a Conan movie.

The dialogue throughout the film was bad and not in a laughable bad way.  The only character who didn’t seem out of place speaking was Conan as I didn’t expect anything profound from a guy whose sole purpose is to slaughter everything in his path.  Another irritating point was the anticlimactic ending which again similar to the original could have used a little more of a confrontation between Conan and Khalar Zym.  It felt like it lacked the raw energy one would expect from two warriors determined to kill one another.

What helped make up for the short comings was the amount of violence which was accomplished with nicely choreographed fight scenes.  When the action starts it’s fast and angry, weapons swinging and blood spraying every which way.  A nice addition was Jason Momoa doing his own stunts as he crashed through sets in the chaos of battle.  It’s always a hit or miss when an actor does their own stunts, Momoa was decent in this movie.  Another big point of notice was the set designs.  The settings and visuals seemed like they were pulled from the pages of Howard’s stories giving birth to a Hyborian realm which had never before been captured on film.

As for his portrayal of Conan, Jason Momoa made the part his own in just about every way.  The attitude, physicality, mannerisms, personality and appearance all fit together to create what came across as a deadly Cimmerian warrior worthy of the sword he wielded.  The same can be said for Leo Howard who played the young version of Conan.  Howard showed all the same traits and characteristics in a pint sized version of the Cimmerian on a journey to become a warrior.  Opposing Momoa in the role of the villainous Khalar Zym is Stephen Lang.  Delivering a performance that adds an intense and physical side not seen from the villains in the two previous renditions, Lang was a little over the top which made for some questionable acting.  Whether the scene called for loud and crazy or quiet and brooding Lang was able enough to capture the persona of a madman possessed with becoming a god.  Accompanying Lang is Rose McGowan who takes the role of Marique, the sorceress daughter of Khalar.  McGowan gives a performance that is creepy at times but otherwise unimpressive.  Completing the main cast is Rachel Nichols as Tamara, a monk who possesses the key that Khalar Zym needs to complete his ritual and fulfill his destiny.  Showing some different sides to her characters personality which didn’t amount to a lot, not unlike McGowan there wasn’t much to the role which seemed memorable.

Although this isn’t a horrible movie it still lacks important qualities which would have created a decent movie, instead it shoots wide and misses the mark.  If you’re a fan of Conan and the works of Robert E. Howard this is potentially worth renting once available on DVD. 

Rating: 2 Reels